the song might be the same

but my name is not.

when we went for our marriage license i was put on the spot because i hadn't given much thought to what my married name would be or if it would change at all from my given name. i like my name. when i was little i told my dad i would just marry someone with the same last name so i would never have to change it. of course that was when i was young enough to think that getting married meant you HAD to change your last name.
so while sitting at city hall i called my mother and asked what she thought. i didn't want to lose my name. it was important to me that i keep my fathers name. i always knew that the baby would have both last names even though we would probably normally just use first and last. (baby name format is first middle last last no hyphen) so i decided to mimic baby's name format giving our family a cohesive start. jp offered to add my last name before his own, but i felt it would be too much since he has a compound first name,middle name,and last name(i do as well). i think that 4 names is enough for one person. each member of the family has 4 names.

now i get to fill out my new social security card application. get a new state id. get a new passport. switch all accounts over. fun fun fun.

getting used to a new name is weird and fun.

Stiff Drink

I am feeling better. my amazing husband took me shopping and by took i mean he actually endured multiple outfit changes in badly lit dressing rooms. he gave opinions with minimal huffing and never once asked how much something cost. i purchased two new dresses from old navy (one maternity, one not), along with two tank tops (non maternity)and two pairs of flip flops. i was also able to get two tanks from h&m (non maternity. i think there is a lot to be said about the power of a new outfit. having clothes that fit nicely have helped to make me feel pretty again. i should mention that jp does his very best to make sure i know that he thinks i look amazing with my pregnant belly and that my job in carrying our baby is so very important and appreciated.

i guess my previous post was more like, you know, it's not all glowing and great. i have plenty of friends and acquaintances reading that have never been pregnant. it's important to me that i not hide the fact that this shit is hard. some women have had it much harder then me for sure and i commend them for getting through. my midwife and i laugh after each check up because i have nothing to really talk about. i have had a completely normal pregnancy. normal pregnancy is not always great, so if you are newly pregnant, thinking about getting pregnant or whatever, it's good to know that you are not alone when you are crying in the shower because you aren't sure if your vagina is ok* cause you haven't seen it in quite some time.

we completed our 12 hours of Natural Childbirth class. it was good for us to be together and learn. i think it helped jp a ton to hear that i am not the only woman who is waking up screaming to their husband that they have a leg cramp and please for the love of god open your eyes to save my life! there were definitely some great bonding moments. learning different laboring positions was neat and breathing and relaxing. it was nice to get a massage from my husband and have some dedicated time to learn about the baby and i. i also felt great joy looking around the room and seeing that some men were not at all engaged, but mine was. if nothing, it helped me to feel that we truly are in this together because sometimes i have felt very much alone.

another thing that made me feel really great was that we finally bought a nice, new, queen sized bed! i have been asking (ok i have been nagging) for this, for some time. i know money isn't as free flowing as water but i also know that we are doing really well considering how much our lives have changed in the past year. so we were shopping around for something good. good quality. good price. and we got it...at sears. which is funny cause we always say we would never shop at sears but i guess we've made liars of ourselves. either way, come friday, i plan on getting a better nights sleep. while i may want jp to touch me when i am awake, i can't wait to have some much needed space in the marital bed.

*i think one of those no fog shower mirrors would be great, i am going to pick one up at target. if i position it at the right height in the shower, i think grooming will no longer be so scary.

feeling down

i am feeling down. i suspect it is normal. when i tried to get dressed this morning it became obvious that most everything i have been wearing, no long fits. just like that overnight, tank tops no longer cover my growing belly and pants are too tight to walk in. i have really made it a point the entire pregnancy to always get dressed nicely. to always try to feel good in my stretch cottons and huge ginormous bras. but not today, today i felt thrown together and huge. fat. not at all attractive. like all 7.5 months of pregnancy have finally caught up with me.
then i had my prenatal appointment and was told that i gained 5lbs, since last time, two week...5lbs. i wanted to cry when the scale was on 150 and she didn't have to move it down to 100 and add some. i tried to stay positive. i have been under gaining the entire time. i'm not fat. yadda yadda. i know it's all good for the baby. i am happy the baby is doing well. i really am. i'm making a person and that person is happy and kicking and thriving. but it's the expense of my body. it sounds so shallow and i hate to even say it. i know i can have my body back. i have always wanted to be a mother. i guess i never realized how much i liked my little body until it gained 18lbs.
jp said we can go shopping tomorrow and i really want to find at least a few things that make me feel really good and pretty and happy and proud again.
sigh

30 weeks!!!!

the squirt is still as big as a squash but that is more of a range then a definite size, i know this because i have gained 5lbs in the past week! Baby weighs about 3lbs now. phew. i'm feeling heavy and getting cranky, all part of the process. I can't believe it was two months ago that i last filled out this survey thing.

How far along? 30 weeks +2 days
Total weight gain/loss: 18lbs
Maternity clothes? today for the first time nothing fits, my belly pops out of everything, jp says we can go shopping tomorrow.
Stretch marks? nope, i don't think i will get any, cause they don't run in my family. knock on wood
Sleep:i don't know how many hours i am getting, i would say maybe of the 9 hours i am in bed "sleeping" i am actually sleeping for 5-6 of those hours. everything hurts, nothing is comfortable.
Best moment this week: sunday's childbirth class when jp was very loving and sweet to my belly.
Movement: baby has been head down for two weeks and seems to want to stay that way. i get kicks in my side that hurt.
Food cravings:fluffernutter sandwiches. lemon water. red meat.
Gender: Surprise
Labor Signs: braxton hicks more and more but still not alot at all.
What I miss:my skinny jeans.
What I am looking forward to:a real little person that jp and i have made! and family vacation in november.
Weekly Wisdom: when you are hungry you should eat, when you are tired you should sleep.
Milestones: third trimester and counting down. only 7 weeks til full term!
Next appointment: july 24th and after that, every week!

I married a drummer....and other random rainy day musings

I am not against marriage, just that i grew up in a household where that piece of paper never came into play. My parents were never legally married but have been together since 1976...33 years without an "i do". we could have done that but for various reasons we decided we wanted the official deal. we wanted to be a family unit for the squirt and we wanted to make sure we were doing what was financially best in the short term as well. we will save nearly $200 a month on insurance this way and that is a lot of money to us.
i just realized that i married a drummer. never in my life have i dated someone that was not a musician. perhaps this was something i was born to do, since my own father was a musician as well. although jp doesn't really play the drums any more (thank god, i would have broken them for sure already) i wonder if it will be a talent our own child has. i should get the pots and wooden spoons ready.

our wedding was great. mostly everyone was really surprised, a handful of people had known before or caught on by the time the baby shower wasn't really going off like a normal one. our ceremony was very simple and short and meaningful. we cried and we laughed and we smiled. it was very nice to have people there that mean a lot to us. it was a fun day and something that we will always remember. we didn't spend a ton of money. we didn't kill ourselves planning every last detail down to a release of doves and a wedding dance, we did none of the things that people normally do. but we held hands and said that we would always be there for eachother no matter how hard it might get. that we would love and raise our children together. and it was probably better then i would have expected.

instead of wedding gifts we got our baby shower gifts which was super special to me. the day was what i wanted, about our family growing together and not just about jp and i marrying. i got lovely gifts from good friends, family old and new. my favorite gifts were the books that people brought and most had written an inscription, which is what i was hoping for. usually about how this was their favorite book growing up. it makes me teary thinking about it.

now that it is over i am officially allowed to shop for the baby. there are books i want to get and some smaller things that we didn't get at the shower. it's hard to pick a favorite among so many wonderful things, handmade blankets and onesies, signed books and cloth diapers and super awesome baby clothes that aren't yellow and green.. . but i am going to pick anyway. my aunt brought a bag full of my books from when i was a kid. when i was little my mother subscribed to a book club so i got a book every month for so long. they were my favorite books. i remember them still. when i outgrew them they were passed onto my cousins who were at least 10 years my juniors. i was completely surprised that they were still ok, kept nice and safe for my baby. each book was inscribed by my mother with my name and address in her perfect penmanship. my aunt also brought the baby blankets my mother had made for my cousins. i will be honest, with those blankets and jp's blankets from childhood, we should maybe build a fort.

pictures are on flickr (although slow going because of some flickr problems and facebook)

<3

We Got Married

We got married on saturday! In light of becoming a Mrs. I am taking a break from writing the blog for at least a week. It was draining throwing a surprise wedding and answering all the questions that are still coming. I need sleep!

Emotional Basket Case

I am an emotional basket case. This crying is probably worse then the first trimester when i would just lay in bed with jp holding me crying for hours. (which i probably never mentioned in the blog cause it is kinda depressing but it is the truth of being pregnant).

There have been some pretty upsetting things going on and while normally i would probably let these things roll off of my back, not so easy to do when every emotion i have is so heightened. How much detail does one get into on a blog...i will just say some things. Once you know that someone has said some terrible things about you, you can not unknow that. Even if you were to forgive, lets face it people, you never forget. ever. it's aways going to be there in your mind. so that is one thing. second thing, my special day is my special day and i should be surrounded by people i love and who love me back. that's it. there should be not one person in that room who doesn't care about me and jp and us as a couple and our family. and third, just because you have chosen to spend your time with someone and have them as your significant other, do not expect everyone to also be obligated to spend time with that person. especially taking the previous two statements into account.

ok that is somewhat off my back in a subtle way for a public blog.

baby shower is coming and i am so excited but again, weepy. i checked to see what kind of rsvps we maybe got (since the cut off was june 20) and found out that two of my moms friends are coming from pennsylvania. that is huge to me. granted these are people who have known me since i was 10 years old but i haven't seen them in nearly 10 years and it means a lot. i cried. some of jp's family is coming that he has not seen since he was a child. i have family coming from new york. and mostly all of our friends (really only 3 so far can not make it and i know they really love us so i understand the double booking. it is all very overwhelming.

working full time and trying to pamper myself this week is going to be tough. mom gets in tomorrow night and i could not be happier. i will probably cry all week.
:)